Craigslist comedy

[DJ0820]

Saw this while browsing craigslist...

"Harley Davidson Oil leaking tub/mat for floor - $50 (DSM)
Reply to: sale-977870744@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-02, 4:33PM CST


This mat was designed to catch dripping oil out of Harleys. It is new and has the Harley Davidson logo embedded in center of the rubber. I own a Honda, so I've never used it."


http://desmoines.craigslist.org/mcy/977870744.html

:rock:

[DustinsDuster]

personally, i love the "casual encounters" pages, those are the real funny ones.

some i found on a quick run through:

Hey, my name is dianne, 5'2, Thick phat bumm, 38b, wavy red Hair gorgeous gray Eyes. I'm Just Needs thick stick. Photo at GoodPhotodianne

"I'm an outgoing spontaneous female in a marriage where I appear to be the only one intimately deprived....soooo, I thought I would take a look around myself and see if you can actually meet anyone out here that is down to earth, not a LIAR and loves enjoying life and having a great time! I do realize the irony of a married person on one of these sites looking for honest people....but I am up front and honest and I expect the same in return! I am very outspoken and a real sarcastic person so if you get offended easily, I promise we won't be a good match! I love the outdoors and sports mostly but I am always up for a challenge and am willing to try almost anything once. If there is anything else you'd like to know, just drop me a line and we can chat more then. Feel free to ask ANYTHING you like, I am not shy!!"

I am very outgoing and funny. i am fun to hang around i love cuddling and watching movies. I will find a way to fit you in if i think you hot. I Luv sex. I can't get enough of it. Especially if you are into anal let me know and i want to try.


I would describe myself as a lovely gal, I can admit that like most chicks, some aspects of me are high maintenance ... hee hee, but I am also high performance.
I try too enlarge my social circle and hopefully can make some friends here.

the title of this one makes the whole thing:

"Christian Girl Seeking Godly Man - w4m - 35 (Cedar Rapids)"

"I am an attractive single young woman, looking for a man that is NOT attached, to have discreet fun with. I am looking for regular activity. I would like to have a friendship with bonuses. I am very uninhibited and will try anything once. Im interested in the many different fantacies and fetishes. I don't want to get into to much detail because we haven't even met yet. If this is something you would like to pursue, my ears are open!!!
, tell me more about yourself, do you have anything you would like to try?"

[DustinsDuster]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, just one more- this one is too good not to post:

hey what sup guys im just here looking for fun my husband is away and im ready to play he has a very large penis about 11 inches but its not here so ill settle for urs for now


yeah, so, she'll SETTLE for you- thats gonne be reeling all the guys in!

[DJ0820]

I think more than one prostitution ring has been busted off of craigslist. I'd say that's what those ads are. I mean who actually responds to those?

[NewSpeedSteed]

I think more than one prostitution ring has been busted off of craigslist. I'd say that's what those ads are. I mean who actually responds to those?

truckers get lonely. :goodman:

[Luminatorz34]

im a trucker...i dont use them...so, not funny

[JJ240]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, just one more- this one is too good not to post:

hey what sup guys im just here looking for fun my husband is away and im ready to play he has a very large penis about 11 inches but its not here so ill settle for urs for now


yeah, so, she'll SETTLE for you- thats gonne be reeling all the guys in!

I thought that looked like a good way to pass time so I checked it out too...dustin you will have to recognize this:
http://cedarrapids.craigslist.org/cas/976221131.html

just read the title...tell me who it has to be hahahah

[DustinsDuster]

I thought that looked like a good way to pass time so I checked it out too...dustin you will have to recognize this:
http://cedarrapids.craigslist.org/cas/976221131.html

just read the title...tell me who it has to be hahahah

i wont say it, but yeah, think i know that one hehehehehe...

[Drifte]

hoooowtf?! fast and furious who?

[DustinsDuster]

you might know the girl Colton- although im not too sure she lives around here anymore.

[Domestic Disturbance]

im a trucker...i dont use them...so, not funny

I'm not a trucker, I do use them, so funny?

[allgo]

Wow this is crazy, people really post this shit on there?

[DustinsDuster]

Wow this is crazy, people really post this shit on there?

daily- if youre every bored sitting around, its great entertainment.

[DJ0820]

Busted....

http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/37337469.html

[Ricky]

hahaahahahaha

[NewSpeedSteed]

Guess that's what happens when you try E-Pimpin'

[DustinsDuster]

Matt Carlson(only oldschool members will remember him) posted this on myspace, and i thought it was great:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )


I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that
you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife
on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my
girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I hope you somehow come
across this message. I'd like to apologize.


I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my
pistol after you took my jacket.
Truth is, I was wearing the
jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that
cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
Kimber 1911 .
45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just
picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
Beautiful
pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed
at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking
back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse
since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and
wallet with me.
I couldn't have you calling up any of
your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took
the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card.
I
gave your shoes to one of the home less guys over by Vinnie
Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet,
then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.


I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell.

They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know
which ones.
Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've
only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that.
I hope they
haven't permanently cut off your service.
I was about to
make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office
with it. Oh well.


So, about your pants.
I know that I was a little rough on
you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so
I'd like to make it up to you.
I'm sure you've
already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.

I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on
the pants.
What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you
and instead making you walk back home humiliated.
I'm
hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in
life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this
message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
Peace!
- Alex

[Clinical]

found this the other day lol


I figured I'd add this :)

Found this a week ago


94 Green Ninja Racer Toyota Celica - the hairy chested manly kind - $1600 (The city)
________________________________________
Reply to: sale-991303030@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-13, 11:50AM CST

Green Ninja Racer Toyota Celica - the hairy chested manly kind

I type this quickly, as my life is in danger, but I am looking to pass on my legacy to the next willing man to take up the keys any rush headlong into madness and mayhem. I am the last remaining ninja of the Rikki-Tikki-Tavi clan, you thought it was a children’s book…..think again, mongooses learned how to kill cobras from watching our fighting skills. I was trained by my sensei in the highest mountains of Japan, fighting bears and the occasional midget Thai boxer….which I then consumed after my win. (They go great with Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce….and garlic).

I am selling my trusted steed to you, if by steed you are looking for a muscle machine of epic proportions. This bad boy is named Snot Rocket, wait, what was that you ask? Why? Let me tell you why, this car is 100% MAN, don’t let its compact size and good gas mileage throw you off. Snot rockets are the ONLY way a man should clear his nose, only dainty metrosexuals use tissues, and only smelly homeless bums use their sleeves. REAL men snot rocket, hence the name, this is a real man’s car through and through.

No pink frou frou frills here, only raw man.

I am passing this car on to you, if you are willing to take up the reins and re-tame this monster. This thing has power windows so whether your chuckin’ grenades into the laps of Prius owners, or punching grown men driving mini-vans in the face, you are doing it without the lame cranking motion that plagues so many.

This car is a shift-it-yourself, for you special eds out there, that means it is a manual, 5 speed, 5 ratios of ball dropping speed. I call it the kill box, because it was designed by Chuck Norris himself, that’s right, this car has 5 speeds of kill, and one reverse, just in case you missed the first time. It might get 28 MPG, but don’t let that fool you, this little engine has a mean streak in it like an unpaid hooker’s pimp.

Snot Rocket doesn’t have a radio in it, someone mistook it for a regular Celica and stole the radio, well the radio was never recovered and neither was the thief’s hands, but I do have 2 replacements, your choice, install them both, Snot Rocket can handle it.

If you look at the birth certificate you will see this suit of armor has been rebuilt, but that will happen when you travel through hell and battle the devil himself. Plus fighting terrorist in the sand dunes of the Middle East with Jack Bauer firing off bazookas might have added to the rebirth of this legend and the need for new springs.

The car has a custom exhaust, as in non-existent. If you want to be some namby-pamby baby and sneak around, this car isn’t for you, this thing has a fierce battle cry all of its own. Your enemies will hear you coming and run, but not before sharting on themselves.

I am willing to give away my battle wagon for $1600 US dollars, no pesos, sand dollars, or those weirdo Brits with their “pounds”, seriously, they are on the metric system, don’t come and steal my words or so help me I will travel across the ocean in Snot Rocket and accomplish what the Romans and Nazis couldn’t do.

You low ball me, that is the same as spitting in the face of Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer, and we all know about Chuck Norris, don’t we? Oh you don’t? Google him, and weep, because he is coming to kill you.

Want to take a look at it, maybe think you can handle the manliness of this MAN-nificent car of uniMANinable proportions? Email me…..but it doesn’t matter because I am watching you and know you are email me.

[DJ0820]

Wow, surfing craigslist tonite and found that there is an erotic services category. It doesn't get much more blatant than this... http://cedarrapids.craigslist.org/search/ers/?query=w4m

[CiViC-Wanted]

Wow didn't know you could pre book a women off craiglist, thats high end right there.

[JustinS]

Matt Carlson(only oldschool members will remember him) posted this on myspace, and i thought it was great:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )


I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that
you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife
on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my
girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I hope you somehow come
across this message. I'd like to apologize.


I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my
pistol after you took my jacket.
Truth is, I was wearing the
jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that
cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
Kimber 1911 .
45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just
picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
Beautiful
pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed
at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking
back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse
since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and
wallet with me.
I couldn't have you calling up any of
your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took
the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card.
I
gave your shoes to one of the home less guys over by Vinnie
Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet,
then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.


I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell.

They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know
which ones.
Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've
only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that.
I hope they
haven't permanently cut off your service.
I was about to
make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office
with it. Oh well.


So, about your pants.
I know that I was a little rough on
you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so
I'd like to make it up to you.
I'm sure you've
already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.

I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on
the pants.
What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you
and instead making you walk back home humiliated.
I'm
hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in
life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this
message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
Peace!
- Alex
Thats a good one and seems to be making its rounds. I haven't heard from him in almost 2 years now, I think summer of '07 was the last time I hung out with him. He broke a shift cable in my driveway and I had to fix his shit lol.