DustinsDuster
11-24-2008, 02:09 PM
so my tattoo artist is kindof twisted, and every once in a blue moon, he fills out a survey on myspace, and theyre usually pretty hilarious. sometimes i put them in emails and send them to friends, but i thought i would share this one with everyone here. enjoy!
How old were your parents when you were born?
10 and 86,respectively.
Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman?
Hermaphrodite, leaning towards the masculine. He/she/it looked like Maude Adams with sideburns and a unibrow.
At what age do you think a person starts to get old?
I have trouble putting up with most of them after 5 minutes.
What was the last thing you celebrated?
Jerry Falwell's death.
Have you ever had any teeth pulled?
No, but I've had an extra row inserted to my upper palate.
Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower?
Ass first then hair for that not so fresh feeling
Are your parents still married?
They can't, they're gay.
What is the toy you remember the most as a kid?
My straight jacket.
What was the last thing you cooked in the oven?
A toddler.
What craft do you think your good at?
Machiavellian scheming.
What was the first tape/cd/record you owned?
Rosmary Clooney sings Gregorian funeral dirges
Have you ever eaten something other people might think is gross?
A toddler.
What famous person do you like that others may not?
Ed Gein.
Have you ever invented anything?
A Taliban fuck doll.
It blows itself up! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Who do you think you relate with the most?
Uncle Fester
What time of day are you most likely sitting on your couch?
While masturbating to necrophiliac porn.
What color is your toothbrush?
Kind of a dried blood red with flecks of something that resemble congealed tapioca pudding.
What is the closest grocery store to your house?
Wang's asian market and ethnic dick joke emporium.
When was the last time you colored with crayons?
While composing a ransom note. About an hour ago.
Have you ever owned a plant? What was it?
I was cleared on those charges.
Have you met anyone famous?
Burl Ives came to me in a dream and told me I had to strangle a thousand hookers or my eyelids would fall off.
What was the worst injury you have ever had?
I sat all the way through I AM LEGEND. I still hurt. BAD.
What was the worst dream you have ever had?
I was eating a huge marshmallow and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
At thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for?
The slow and the weak.
When you were a kid, who was your best pal?
Some strange guy in a van.
Do you have any special talents?
I can lick my eyebrow.
Have you ever been to a nursing home?
I was cleared of those charges as well.
What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up?
Pro alligator wrestling/Amway sales/Chinese gang enforcer
Have you ever known anyone thats been on tv, including you?
I am in constant psychic contact with Roger Ebert. His mind is filthy and horrible.
What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild?
The Amazonian blow job monkey.
What holiday do you enjoy the most?
National mock the handicapped week.
What was the first video game you ever played?
Womb raider.
What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed?
My blood.
Do you have a favorite breakfast item?
A toddler.
What do you find yourself buying all the time?
Quick lime and rubber gloves.
When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail?
Today. Blackmail money.
Do you have a most prized piece of jewlery?
Grandpa's cock ring.
Do you own any board games?
8 billion.
What article of clothing would you say you need more of in your wardrobe?
Anything resistant to blood stains.
What chore seems the most daunting right now?
Disposing of evidence.
Were you born in the state you live in?
Denial. yes..I mean NO, NO, NO, NO,
Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?
I've broken into a few before moving in.
Does that count?
What is your favorite cheese?
Fumunda.
Who do you know that watches the most sports?
Assholes.
What was the last magazine you read?
Modern Bride.
How many people do you not get along with?
About 6 billion.
Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
That's the only way people see me.
Would you shave your head to save someone you love?
Only if they reciprocate with anal sex.
Whats on your bedroom floor?
Blood, used condoms, empty ether bottles, some girl scout uniforms, animal bones, leggos and a ham sandwich.
How many piercings do you have?
17500.
How's your heart lately?
Black as pitch.
Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
What, and hide this fabulous head of stunning hair?!?! Not on your life!
Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
I moonlight as a drug mule, so pretty fuckin' well.
Do you like someone you can't have?
Phyllis Diller. Fucking restraining order.
What's the last thing you laughed at?
a toddler.
Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Only if she had big nasty pointy teeth and a snatch like a sleeping bag made out of sliced ham and yak hair.
Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
8 at night and 10 during the day.
Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Rehab.
Do you like summer?
No.
That bitch owe me $50! Gonna put the smack down next time I see that ho'!
How old were your parents when you were born?
10 and 86,respectively.
Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman?
Hermaphrodite, leaning towards the masculine. He/she/it looked like Maude Adams with sideburns and a unibrow.
At what age do you think a person starts to get old?
I have trouble putting up with most of them after 5 minutes.
What was the last thing you celebrated?
Jerry Falwell's death.
Have you ever had any teeth pulled?
No, but I've had an extra row inserted to my upper palate.
Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower?
Ass first then hair for that not so fresh feeling
Are your parents still married?
They can't, they're gay.
What is the toy you remember the most as a kid?
My straight jacket.
What was the last thing you cooked in the oven?
A toddler.
What craft do you think your good at?
Machiavellian scheming.
What was the first tape/cd/record you owned?
Rosmary Clooney sings Gregorian funeral dirges
Have you ever eaten something other people might think is gross?
A toddler.
What famous person do you like that others may not?
Ed Gein.
Have you ever invented anything?
A Taliban fuck doll.
It blows itself up! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Who do you think you relate with the most?
Uncle Fester
What time of day are you most likely sitting on your couch?
While masturbating to necrophiliac porn.
What color is your toothbrush?
Kind of a dried blood red with flecks of something that resemble congealed tapioca pudding.
What is the closest grocery store to your house?
Wang's asian market and ethnic dick joke emporium.
When was the last time you colored with crayons?
While composing a ransom note. About an hour ago.
Have you ever owned a plant? What was it?
I was cleared on those charges.
Have you met anyone famous?
Burl Ives came to me in a dream and told me I had to strangle a thousand hookers or my eyelids would fall off.
What was the worst injury you have ever had?
I sat all the way through I AM LEGEND. I still hurt. BAD.
What was the worst dream you have ever had?
I was eating a huge marshmallow and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
At thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for?
The slow and the weak.
When you were a kid, who was your best pal?
Some strange guy in a van.
Do you have any special talents?
I can lick my eyebrow.
Have you ever been to a nursing home?
I was cleared of those charges as well.
What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up?
Pro alligator wrestling/Amway sales/Chinese gang enforcer
Have you ever known anyone thats been on tv, including you?
I am in constant psychic contact with Roger Ebert. His mind is filthy and horrible.
What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild?
The Amazonian blow job monkey.
What holiday do you enjoy the most?
National mock the handicapped week.
What was the first video game you ever played?
Womb raider.
What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed?
My blood.
Do you have a favorite breakfast item?
A toddler.
What do you find yourself buying all the time?
Quick lime and rubber gloves.
When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail?
Today. Blackmail money.
Do you have a most prized piece of jewlery?
Grandpa's cock ring.
Do you own any board games?
8 billion.
What article of clothing would you say you need more of in your wardrobe?
Anything resistant to blood stains.
What chore seems the most daunting right now?
Disposing of evidence.
Were you born in the state you live in?
Denial. yes..I mean NO, NO, NO, NO,
Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?
I've broken into a few before moving in.
Does that count?
What is your favorite cheese?
Fumunda.
Who do you know that watches the most sports?
Assholes.
What was the last magazine you read?
Modern Bride.
How many people do you not get along with?
About 6 billion.
Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
That's the only way people see me.
Would you shave your head to save someone you love?
Only if they reciprocate with anal sex.
Whats on your bedroom floor?
Blood, used condoms, empty ether bottles, some girl scout uniforms, animal bones, leggos and a ham sandwich.
How many piercings do you have?
17500.
How's your heart lately?
Black as pitch.
Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
What, and hide this fabulous head of stunning hair?!?! Not on your life!
Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
I moonlight as a drug mule, so pretty fuckin' well.
Do you like someone you can't have?
Phyllis Diller. Fucking restraining order.
What's the last thing you laughed at?
a toddler.
Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Only if she had big nasty pointy teeth and a snatch like a sleeping bag made out of sliced ham and yak hair.
Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
8 at night and 10 during the day.
Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Rehab.
Do you like summer?
No.
That bitch owe me $50! Gonna put the smack down next time I see that ho'!